Matrescence Three Years Postpartum: The Overlooked Motherhood Crisis of Burnout, Overwhelm and Neurodiversity

Matrescence: motherhood transitions

The early years of motherhood are often framed around survival, sleepless nights, feeding schedules, and physical recovery. But for many women, a different challenge begins to surface a few years later. Around 3-4 years postpartum, there is a noticeable rise in burnout, emotional overwhelm (often expressed as anger), and even new diagnoses of neurodivergent conditions such as ADHD or autism.

This isn’t a coincidence. It reflects a deeper intersection of biology, identity, and long-term mental load.  Recently while undertaking a Motherhood coaching programme (Mama Rising) run by renowned Matrescence activist Amy Taylor-Kabbaz, the stark reality of the motherhood juggle and societal expectations really hit home. 

A recent pan-European study revealed that seven out of 10 mothers in the UK feel overloaded and 47% of UK mothers reported suffering from mental health issues, including burnout (Make Mothers Matter, 2024).

When Anger Becomes Uncontrollable

Anger (sometimes colloquially termed Mum Rage) is one of the most misunderstood emotional responses in motherhood. It often increases in the later postpartum years because

• Chronic stress lowers emotional regulation capacity
• There is little space for rest, autonomy, or identity outside caregiving
• Invisible labour (planning, organising, anticipating needs) intensifies
• Resentment builds when effort feels unrecognised or unsupported

Anger, in this context, is less about “losing control” and more about a nervous system under prolonged strain. In 2024, when my children were three and five, and my anger levels were out of control, I snapped at everyone and felt like a different person, in the end I was signed off work for four months with burnout.  Knowing that this is a systemic issue makes me feel sad, but also acknowledges that mothers are doing their very best in a really challenging situation.

While postpartum rage generally peaks in the early postpartum period, it can continue for years beyond this and is likely to be related to the inability to cope with the demands of work and then the ‘second shift’ of parenting and running a household.  This is supported by a Canadian Study that found depression and anxiety rose from 3-8 years postpartum (to 26% at 8 years) and was 3.5 times higher in women who reported difficulties with juggling responsibilities (Adhikari et al., 2023).

The Delayed Impact of Burnout

Linked to this, in the first year after birth, adrenaline and necessity often carry mothers through, and many take a period of maternity leave from work. However, by years three to five:

• The “marathon” reality of parenting sets in
• External support often drops off, and relationships can start to suffer
• Many parents return fully to work or increase responsibilities
• The cognitive and emotional load accumulates
• Many mothers feel a sense of identity loss and confusion about their place in society
• Feelings can lead to isolation, cynicism and feelings of overwhelm.

Burnout here isn’t sudden, it’s the result of sustained depletion. What once felt manageable becomes overwhelming, especially without adequate recovery time. 

In 2024, I couldn’t understand why my brain felt broken, I was constantly ill (I even got diagnosed with long Covid and had to go for a chest x-ray), I had no anger filter, and felt like I was on a treadmill I could never get off.  Eventually I after reading The End of Burnout by Jonathan Malesic and paying $15 to complete a Maslach Burnout Inventory Questionnaire (and scoring higher for burnout than the author of the book on burnout), I had to admit that it was not possible to maintain everything, and was signed off work for four months.  This was almost two years ago, and now I’m determined to find a different way of managing the load and give myself the self-compassion that is so desperately important for mothers.  The cost of try to do it all can be even more severe for others with stories of premature labour, strokes, heart attacks, and severe mental health issues not uncommon when you start to delve into the world of burnout in motherhood.

An increasing number of women are being diagnosed with ADHD or autism in adulthood, and many report that symptoms became unmanageable after having children.  A recent Danish study revealed that ADHD diagnoses among women giving birth increased postpartum above pre-pregnancy levels, with peak rates observed between two and five years after childbirth (Madsen et al. 2026).

There are a few key reasons why this might occur:

• Hormonal fluctuations during pregnancy and the postpartum period may contribute to neurobiological alterations that exacerbate ADHD symptoms, including changes in brain structure and function (Hoekzema et al., 2017; Rehbein et al., 2021)

• Postpartum depression, a common condition for mothers with ADHD (Andersson et al., 2023), may also act as a trigger for ADHD diagnosis, as its overlapping symptoms, such as emotional dysregulation and executive dysfunction, may prompt clinical attention to previously unrecognized ADHD.

• Coping strategies break down
  Before children, routines, quiet time, and self-regulation strategies may have masked underlying traits and parenting disrupts all of these.

• Increased executive function demands
  Parenting requires constant planning, switching tasks, emotional regulation, and sensory tolerance, all areas that can be extra challenging for neurodivergent individuals.

• Sensory overload
  Noise, touch, interruptions, and unpredictability are constant with young children, which can overwhelm previously manageable sensory sensitivities.

• Identity reflection
  Many parents begin reassessing themselves more deeply during this stage, especially if a child is diagnosed with ADHD or other neurodiversity.

This timeframe often marks a tipping point, children become more mobile, verbal, and demanding and parenting shifts from physical care to complex emotional and behavioural management.  The transition back to work means more competing demands, and mothers are expected to go back to a sense of “normalcy” and resume social commitments.  Additionally, the cumulative effects of sustained sleep deprivation can surface and accumulated pressure to cope with everything can exceed capacity.

This pattern doesn’t indicate failure; it highlights a mismatch between expectations and support.  We are living in a patriarchal society that is rigged against mothers being able to thrive.  Mothers are expected to juggle the expectations of motherhood with being a successful career driven woman.

It suggests:

• We underestimate the long-term impact and demands of modern-day caregiving.
• Maternal mental health support while limited at the best of times, is focussed on the early postpartum period.
• Workplaces need to take more responsibility for supporting and retaining mothers.
• Neurodivergence in women is still under-recognised and more research is needed into how motherhood may contribute to exposing it.

If you’re reading this and recognise yourself in these experiences, perhaps years after having your youngest child, please know you are not alone.

For many mothers, there comes a point when the invisible weight they’ve been carrying quietly for so long finally begins to surface, and the mask of coping becomes too heavy to hold in place.

We are navigating a system that asks us to be everything at once: devoted parents, reliable professionals, and creators of Pinterest ready homes, often all within the same day. The pressure is constant, and the expectations rarely leave room for rest or imperfection.

It is hardly surprising that, after years of sustained overload the mind and body begin to push back. When that happens, it isn’t a failure, it’s a signal. A necessary pause that brings long-held strain into view, often revealing some of the challenges described above.